When I quit smoking, I split my issues into “directly related,” such as withdrawal or finishing off a meal, and “indirectly related,” dealing with conditions that make you stomp off and go smoke. Sometimes it was hard to tell. Motivation could be disguised as a direct issue but it’s not. For example, I was able to quit smoking without relying on motivation by focusing on cleaning house before I quit.
What does cleaning house have to do with quitting smoking? Well, that’s why it is an indirect issue and this is where the path veers off and gets crooked. Cleaning house has everything to do with quitting smoking when you come home from work to a messy house and your attempts to get other people to pitch in and help out aren’t working. That stuff will still go on long after you quit smoking and you won’t be able to stomp off and go smoke. Moreover, when this stuff happens in the middle of your withdrawal, you toy with the idea to quit quitting and try again later. One momentary loss in motivation to quit and you are heading for those smokes. How do you sustain yourself until the motivation comes back?
This does not mean you have to become the perfect housekeeper before you quit smoking, this means you watch and learn how fleeting motivation can be. Don’t control it. Learning how to drop the struggle in trying to manifest motivation, is a practice in of itself. Take a few days to be aware of when motivation appears and when it leaves.
Oftentimes I would sit unmotivated and go “ugh, that means I have to get up and clean when I feel like this.” … And I would continue to sit there, getting used to the idea. Also, this was personal work on ownership. “This is my time. This is my timeline. This is my house. This is my stuff. It will get done. My stuff will get done when I do it. Anytime I want.”
Who said I was NEVER going to do it in the first place?
Sometimes that means going to bed with everything undone … and not getting done in the morning either. Sometimes that means standing with your mother-in-law, in the middle of your mess, while thinking, “my house, my timeline,” while not uttering one excuse or apology.
Pretty soon, your thoughts snap into place about what you want done and why you want it done. It has nothing to do with your spouse or your kids, or worthiness, or where in the heck is my motivation to get up and go do it. You just get up and put one foot in front of the other, put one thing away, then another, and all the sudden you’ve accomplished something. And you are doing it because it is your stuff, your house, and its your time.