Category Archives: Ponderisms

On Writing

Writing is one big, long prayer.

Whether it is non-fiction or dressed up as fiction, writing tells it how it is, demonstrates what is going on, shows how it could be.

It admits guilt, addresses hate, pride, fear, and calls for change.

It celebrates the good in the most profound way.

Similarly it’s perfect in its imperfection.  Could always do better, use another word, … always an incomplete sentence or an incoherent thought.  You only know if you’ve done a good job if you’ve come away both spent and energetic, purged but full, and nothing has changed, but… yet, something has.

Motivation / Determination

My first lesson in determination was that I could start a project, skip a day, and be able to pick it right back up.

I think before that I relied solely on motivation.  I would not stop a project until I finished.  I could start painting a room and keep going until 4 in the morning so I could finish and get everything cleaned up.

My fear was that if I went to bed, I would wake up and get interested (motivated) in another project and leave the first one unfinished.  Then I’d have several half-done projects lying around.  (or at least get busy with my day and never get back to finish my project)

Actually I got this first lesson in determination from reading the Bible.  Well, it took a whole year.  Of course life got in the way and there was a week; nearly two, where I didn’t make the time to read.  From that, I was involved in this constant self-control thing where I repeated to myself, “I have read it.  I am in the middle of reading it.  I am determined to finish it.”  That is when I felt the true impact of defining determination.  I began to trust that I do finish what I start.  I relaxed and recognized while I may have to stay on task, I don’t have to extend myself and “over-achieve” to finish.

It is funny that I don’t remember that lesson being in the Bible, but I got that lesson out of my action of reading it. I could do a whole slough of posts on good and bad attitudes in reading the Bible.  Just the act of reading it is a journey.

Today I am determined to log in 3 miles a day, every day in January.   Why 3 miles?  Earlier this summer my marathon friend and I decided that the tipping point for loosing pounds was three miles.  Any distance is good,  I’m not dissing anything less than 3 miles, but talking among ourselves, it seems like 3 miles is a threshold.  With this in my head, I made a challenge right after Christmas to do 3 miles a day everyday until January 31st.  If I skip a day, I just keep going, then merely count how many days I missed.

Since we have had a little holiday break from exercising, I’ve been getting geared up … actually I’m kind of keyed up … I can hear myself be annoying especially when it comes to other people’s treadmills as I wanted to get started right away.  Well all the sudden everyone’s treadmills are out-of-order.

Like … because … I made a challenge?  ???

Even though I wanted to get started right after Christmas; when January 1st came along I couldn’t argue that the challenge started with a new month (let alone new year) so I ran outside.

Friday, I didn’t get outside before dark, so I went to the gym and because of a 9:00 closing time; they kicked me off the treadmill at 1.68 miles.  Ouch.  I should have went to the one across town because I think they are open until 11:00 maybe midnight.

I saw it coming, I was on that treadmill thankful that this disruption happened early while my motivation was still high.  The non-motivational skills that I talk about are good for doing what is familiar.  Keeping the pattern.  When it comes to jumping hurdles and smoothing disruptions my non-motivational skills get umm … grumpy.  It is easier to say screw it. I have done it.  I am in the middle of doing it.  I am determined to finish my challenge.  Just because I skip a day doesn’t mean I won’t finish.  Then I will skip that day.  — That is perfectly okay.

But seriously, to skip a day on my second day?  !!!  My motivation was way to high for that.  My day was running out and I was determined to jump through hoops to get things figured out and meet my goal.  So I went to the nearest gym and tested the limits to see how late they would let me stay after close.  Now I know, when the clock starts passing 8:00 to go to the other gym.  If it were later in the month I might not have been as determined to figure out what I don’t know.

I’m still in an internal battle that I only met half my goal on the second day, but I also know that I didn’t let any excuses stop me and now I have gained new information for the rest of the month.  Plus I’m not counting any days missed.  I can justify any way I want.  That is the problem with justifying.

To be fair to the person working, I didn’t even ask if I could finish, they said, “It’s 9:00 we’re closing.” and I pouted “okay.”  My ongoing lessons in determination has been big in learning how to handle interruptions.

My time on the treadmill got me analyzing, “How close are motivation and determination anyway?”  The higher the motivation the more determined a person is?  How about when your motivation isn’t there, is your determination more firm?  That’s what keeps you going when your motivation isn’t there.  Isn’t it?

I found it funny that the synonym for motivation is determination but motivation didn’t show up as a synonym for determination.   A synonym for one but not the other. ??? At least according to my computers dictionary, it is possible to have determination without motivation.  (Oxford American Writer’s Thesaurus 2008)



  • reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way
  • the general desire or willingness of someone to do something



  • firmness of purpose; resoluteness
  • the process of establishing something exactly, typically by calculation or research
  • the controlling or deciding of something’s nature or outcome
  • the cessation of an estate or interest
  • tendency to move in a fixed direction

(New Oxford American Dictionary 2010, 2013)


Day 2.  1.68 miles.  Indoors; treadmill   The Curve   “It’s green because its manual and doesn’t take electricity.”   (I should see if the distance/calorie/time read-out is powered by batteries or by me)


The core of my writing and this blog is basically manners.  I’ve tried to think of how to make this relevant especially in an era when being abrasive and sarcastic rule.  I’ve tried to do this while bogged down with something other than the Christmas spirit.

For example instead of sugar-plum fairies, christmas lights and merriment that Christmas is coming, my word of the month has been “douche bag.”   More specifically a phrase , “don’t make douche-bag choices.”

For two days at work, I’ve “stepped outside” to calm things down and to represent ourselves to unruly customers because they would rather make the douche bag choice over their choice to use their manners.  One person had to show off because he works in the industry and had to get all snappy about how he knows how it’s done.   He went on this endless rant to where the people with him were telling him to shut up.  (yay).  The other incident was some kids came in for free water and nothing else.  Since our free water is sippy cups, apparently this wasn’t enough “free” for them, so they started kicking and slamming counters, booths and glass doors on their way out.   I was a bit behind but I followed them out to their waiting car and stared at them while they pulled away.  The driver (same age) had no idea what was happening and kept pausing as she couldn’t figure out why she was receiving this pathetic “why?” gesture I was throwing her way.  (An innocent bystander as I was trying to read her intentions of stopping the car or going.)

Later we discussed why do people make the choice to act out this way?  Is this what they want to be known as?  Really?  I joked I should hashtag – don’t make douche bag choices.  I got a laugh out of it.  I don’t think it would be a bad thing.  It maybe off-putting to some of the circles I run in, but if I heard someone say, “don’t make douche bag choices” to someone who decided to be disruptive and rude, I think that would be a good thing.

I have often wondered about anti-bully campaigns because bullies don’t see themselves as bullies.  Some, not all, but some, believe they are making the cool choice.  They believe it is all in the name of fun.  If someone could point out that they were making the douchy choice without actually labeling them a douche bag.  ???  Would it make them aware of how they are representing themselves and they COULD choose to represent themselves in a better way?  Oddly …  I see this as empowerment.

Look, graffiti isn’t put up by evil gremlins during the night.  It’s done by our children hanging out and one says, “Hey, I got an idea!”

The graffiti doesn’t get put up because someone else said, “Hey, let’s not.  Let’s do this instead.”  And they just kept the crime rate from going up.  So instead of laughing and giggling at kicking the counter if the other girl with the water said don’t make douche bag choices, would they have left?  If the girl in the car said to the guy on a rant, don’t make douche bag choices instead of shut up, would he have recognized he was making a choice to be brat, instead of trying to prove he was in the right because HE knows the procedure?

What would happen if we view criminal acts such as stealing and vandalism as douche bag moves instead of ballsy moves?  What would happen if we told our politicians to quit making douche bag choices?

Who knows.  If everyone took one day …  Just one day … to #dontmakedouchebagchoices  maybe we’d catch that national wave of Christmas Spirit before this season passes us by.

Day 21 NaBloPoMo; A post just to post

Day 21!  WoW!  I’m really doing it.  Today would be a good example if I wasn’t going to live up to the challenge.  I’m going to a Trampled Underfoot Concert tonight.  I’m glad I’m going.  I will be hanging out with friends.   But to tell you the truth I would be just as happy catching up on publishing Goodness and getting on with Faithfulness.

Just now I’m pondering if this is a work before play mentality.  No I don’t think it is.  I enjoy what I’m doing and I’m fighting for the time to do it in.  Isn’t that what finding your dream career is all about?

Anyway, I’m keeping up with the challenge and I feel good about that too.  Next month I’m going to do my own challenge where I have to write 6 different posts in a week, but only publish 2.    That way maybe I will have something prepared instead of posting just post.

Nice chatting with you all.   Again this is not edited as I am rushing off to work.

Happy NaMo Everyone!

Nuns, Priests, and Equality

 2012-2015 ©deskridge

Daniel Eskridge ©2012-2015 deskridge Click photo for link to Deviantart

I have questions.

Why are women fighting to become priests?

Why aren’t women fighting for equal job rights as nuns?

Why not break barriers for nuns to lead services and administer the sacraments?

Wouldn’t that be the epitome of the women’s movement?  To gain equality while wearing our femaleness?  Isn’t that what we are fighting for? …. to broaden our job description?

It was agonizing to watch part of an interview with Cardinal Sean on 60 minutes this weekend.  It seemed as if he couldn’t get around his own distinction of men/priests and women/nuns.

I got mad that we’re stuck in this archaic view of male and female job descriptions, then I decided I better suspended my anger so I could ponder it.  I thought why are women always trying to become men? Why do we have to infiltrate the man’s world by acting as men? … As passing ourselves off as men!

If I can achieve whatever I want, I want to fulfill them while being me and using my traits, talent, gifts, resources, lessons, character … and I am female.  I shouldn’t have to change who I am to perform some job duties.

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