Life is a crooked and varied path. Get on it. That is what I want to tell people.
I’m not kidding when I say that a funny thing happened on the way to quitting smoking; I got a life. I’m dead serious. Before I quit smoking I was on a constant run of being half-assed and not quite right.
Oh, I did a lot. The more time got short the more often I had to just make do. By the time I could catch my breath I was off planning the next birthday, the next holiday, the next girl scout meeting, the next trip. I was always running from one job to the next trying to please multiple leaders with my work ethic. I usually held two or three jobs in trying to manipulate my schedule. First to avoid paying for day care then later to be everywhere the kids were.
I’m a B personality who worked in highly competitive atmospheres. I lived for years on the edge of yelling, “sit down and shut up!” But I couldn’t put my finger on what was really going on and instead I whined, “That’s not fair.” I knew those co-worker were alike and I was different so I had to fix me to keep up. And I tried, because I wasn’t going to let them stop me. The more I tried, the more I felt like they shoved me aside, or at least held back.
My generation was to take the baton of feminism and be a success with it because all the generations before me had fought hard and won equality. Somewhere along the line I realized I had become this anti-feminist, feminist. I did what I was told and I didn’t know why it wasn’t working! I was supposed to be happy and all I could see was that I was half-assed and not quite right.
Well as the way change usually happens, it all came to a screeching halt and I was the one who sat down and shut up. “young and twenty” recently posted an axiom “you’ll never understand the way things pass until you step aside.” That is exactly what I did. I gave myself several quiet days and went about my day as I watched and learned. There were two experiments that I did.
To quit smoking I started off with False Quit Dates. I’d set a quit date which would bring up an excuse to quit quitting and start smoking again. So I’d work on that excuse and then set another false quit date. I kept setting them until there was nothing left but the real quit date. And I made it. I quit smoking.
In the middle of all that I stopped and worked on my fruity experiment. As a kid I got mad at my Grandma for trying to teach me the Fruit of the Spirit Bible verse as I was having trouble memorizing it. Well because of that I recognized it when I saw it as an adult, and made a note of the verse and where I could find it.
One Christmas I saw Love, Joy, Peace everywhere, when it struck me … What if, you can’t get to the love, joy, peace until you enact the Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control? ???
I stopped the False Quit Dates and I took one virtue a day and used it against anything that came up in my day. I started with Patience. Turned out I learned some things and I wanted another day. Then I took another day and did it with kindness. Turns out kindness only works when you are kind to yourself too, this was no Random acts of kindness exercise. The difference was, I wasn’t putting things out there. I was responding to events that came my way and not all those events were kind.
These two experiences gave way to other epiphanies such as:
- You can care without worry.
- I am not naughty, naughty, naughty. I am an adult.
- Be responsible without being held accountable.
- Life is not fair. Quit trying to make it fair.
- Control yourself; Not others.
- Be honest.
- Don’t rely on motivation. I work on my non-motivation skills.
- Don’t make douche bag choices.
I am sharing information and I am a writer marketing my books about my experience. My Dream Reader is someone who also has an interest in these topics.