Category Archives: Women

Points To Address For The Feminism Movement pt 12

Generations of us women have done our part to break the chains of the kitchen and the never-ending laundry. Here are some conflicts that, for me, arise nearly on a daily basis. I wonder if you feel the same?

This isn’t the start of anything. Women HAVE BEEN doing.

Margaret Brent was one of the largest landowners in the 1600’s.
Mary Musgrove ran a fur trading post in the 1700’s.
Women worked as nurses during the war of 1812.
Women were writing and publishing books in the 1800’s.
Harriet Beecher Stowe – Uncle Tom’s Cabin 1852
Louisa May Alcott – Little Women 1868
Emily Dickinson – Poems 1890
Kate Warne was a detective for Pinkerton in 1856.
As Americans pioneered west, women worked as postmasters.
The Triangle Shirtwaist fire killed over 100 women in 1911. Women had to have worked there in order to die in that fire.
Not to mention all the Rosie the Riveters during WWII.
Muriel Siebert bought a seat on the NY Stock Exchange in 1967.
All throughout time, widows took over family businesses and women ran business behind the shield of a husband. When we perpetuate the myth that women never worked, are we erasing these people and their deaths from history?

Just because we had to step from behind the shield, or single women needed better access to banking, doesn’t mean women didn’t work.

The point is … We aren’t the exception in anything we do. We are the rule.

Day 25 NaBloPoMo: Sleep Deprivation

I’m not sure if this is a smart thing.  I am going to post while sleep deprived.  It is a holiday week and as the snow falls, I’m actually caught up on everything two days before Thanksgiving.

Today, at work, while I was still feeling the stress of just trying to get things done and having nothing but hurdles thrown at you, I thought about the last 7 years.  I used to run sleep deprived like this all the time.  Highly strung out on stress, being stupid because of it.  Today was a good reminder of that.  I kept forgetting this and dropping that and I kept gravitating toward tedious monotonous tasks just so I wouldn’t have to think.

But I did start to think.  I’ve made huge strides in improving my life, my outlook and my attitude and I am so much better off for it, but I began to wonder am I really happier?  I know if I need a picture I start heading towards the ones from 7 years ago.  I think these are the ones that look like me.  Thinner.  More active.  All involved with the kids. I certainly look happier in those pictures.  So how come I don’t go after any happy current pictures.  Aren’t I happier than I was 7 years ago?

Truth is, I am more content that I was 7 years ago.  Being broke for so long has taken its toll, it is so restrictive. Back then I may have been able to get happier or have happier moments, but I would have equally low moments, full of stress, more sleep deprivation than this, more fear of …  fear and judginess and wondering when I would “arrive” so I could quit trying to prove myself.  I kept waiting for the day where I could quit striving and start living.  Actually that day never came.  I pretty much said screw it all and then was able to start living.  And all that came after getting caught up on some rest, cooking and eating regularly, and trying to eliminate everything I didn’t want to do.

So would I trade places with myself from 7 years ago?  No.  I wouldn’t.  But, I will still grab a 7 year old picture to represent myself.  Ha Ha.

Day 23 NaBloPoMo; Fighting the Fear of the Unknown.

From another post you may know that these past two weeks I pretty much gave up being an avid Mac User.  I’ve been able to upload to CreateSpace by finding work-a-rounds to get a book layout going so I can have page numbers in the corners of the pages and the Book Title in the header on the left page and chapter title on the right but most importantly I need margins so my words don’t get caught in the gutter of book binding.

I purchased Scrivener earlier in the week and I just can’t get my head around it.  It is almost like they do too much for me … put it this way … I know so little about it that I can’t accurately describe how they do too much for me.

Although, I know exactly what I am fighting. I am fighting the fear that when I’m done struggling and I THINK I have my book formatted correctly, I will upload to CreateSpace and the previewer will show that I have to adjust my margins and I can’t because there is no little box that says ‘inside margins’ how many inches or centimeters do you want them.

Instead I’ve got some software developer saying, “Now, now you shouldn’t have to worry about those, I’ve taken care of that for you.”

Now as a woman; where have I heard that before?

As a B or C student putting up with people who have been told that they are the smart ones; where have I heard that before?

I even ventured over to the Microsoft website and checked out Word for Mac, because I saw that they had a mirroring pages option for margins, but I also know it is left and right not gutter or inside and outside margins.  Scrivener used up my allotment for spending money for the next two weeks.  How many programs am I going to have to purchase before I find the right one that fits my needs.   I nearly burst out crying several times today trying to find a work-a-round.  I should be done by now.

Now, I know I don’t know what is going on in software development.   I’ve spent long enough in customer service jobs to know that the customer is nearly almost always wrong and hardly right. I won’t back-pedal on that.  But if they are playing politics with the current chaotic publishing world, they have to know, I meet my goals.  I find a way no matter how many times I burst out crying.  I’m midway through.  The question is who is going to provide the product for me to use?


Update:  Things are looking up.  I rented Microsoft Word for a month.  I think I’m making some progress before I turn in for bed.  Yay!

Nuns, Priests, and Equality

 2012-2015 ©deskridge

Daniel Eskridge ©2012-2015 deskridge Click photo for link to Deviantart

I have questions.

Why are women fighting to become priests?

Why aren’t women fighting for equal job rights as nuns?

Why not break barriers for nuns to lead services and administer the sacraments?

Wouldn’t that be the epitome of the women’s movement?  To gain equality while wearing our femaleness?  Isn’t that what we are fighting for? …. to broaden our job description?

It was agonizing to watch part of an interview with Cardinal Sean on 60 minutes this weekend.  It seemed as if he couldn’t get around his own distinction of men/priests and women/nuns.

I got mad that we’re stuck in this archaic view of male and female job descriptions, then I decided I better suspended my anger so I could ponder it.  I thought why are women always trying to become men? Why do we have to infiltrate the man’s world by acting as men? … As passing ourselves off as men!

If I can achieve whatever I want, I want to fulfill them while being me and using my traits, talent, gifts, resources, lessons, character … and I am female.  I shouldn’t have to change who I am to perform some job duties.

Day 15 NaBloPoMo; Empty Fridge = Good Thing?

How on earth can an empty fridge equate to a good thing?

It took a few times before I caught it, but I was standing there in front of a near empty fridge trying to plan our next meal the day before payday … and it felt good that I didn’t have to throw food out.

WoW! About three payday’s in a row, I bought what I needed and followed through with all my meal plans.

I didn’t even over think it.  I only planned 4 or 5 meals not thinking that they would cover 15 days, but eating leftovers and making good use of leftover ingredients had multiplied each meal plan by 3. (we both eat at work so one meal is covered)

I decided that this need to “save it for later” or “just in case,” was indicative of not being raised under the most lucrative financial circumstances.  That’s also coupled with rural influence from my Grandparents keeping the pantry stocked. You know for when there is a blizzard, or for the fact that they got paid once or twice a year between the sale of grain and some livestock. As a grown up, a full fridge meant that life was plentiful. A fully stocked fridge gave me the feeling that I was a good mom.

In truth, a full and plentiful life means to go buy more food. Besides wouldn’t a good mom would cook that food. Not to mention I would get mad throwing out food that I had plans for and instead it wasted away in the fridge. That meant wasted money and goals not achieved. I worked too hard for all that food to go into the garbage.

Once I had captured the idea that an empty fridge was a good thing, I had to remind myself of the idea. I was spurned on to meet future goals of planning and cooking. The new knowledge of planning 5 meals made it easy to plan 6 or 8 meals.  I planned for more incase the new plans didn’t work out as well as what I just experienced. It was pretty tight.

It just seems so backwards from the concept that an empty fridge means somethings wrong.  It usually means hungry bellies, needy people, and hard times.  Who’d a thunk an empty fridge means it’s time to shop some more?

Day 12: NaBloPoMo; Writers Block and How I Deal

Typically I don’t have a problem with writer’s block.  Usually, I get mad that I have to stop writing and go to work. Since I’m never writing when the best ideas come, I’m always jotting ideas down and making notes.  My friend at witty word smith came up with some personal notebooks for the writers association and calls them itty-bitty Brainstorm Dissipation Prevention Devices.   Yeah, I need that.  If a person is going to write, it’s all about capturing the idea.  My phone works too.  I always have that around and don’t have to rely on having a pen.

Oh, I do sit in front of a screen staring at the wall or out the window.  I’m trying to get the puzzles pieces to snap together.  It’s frustrating to force them to work together.  Especially when I know I have to stop soon and leave for my job.  So here are some tips and tricks that I have in my arsenal to keep things moving.

  • When making notes, jot down the inspiration.  Date, Time, Where, People.  Standing in line at the lunch counter on Tuesday with Debbie.  During writer’s block, you are waiting for inspiration to show up and hold your attention.  Well, revisit that place.
  • Got a non-fiction moment with a fiction deadline?  Incorporate it.  If two writers come out with different results on the same topic, why not one writer come up with two different genres on the same topic.
  • Leave it for the editor.  Human form or software form; doesn’t matter.  I know my grammar could make a grammar teacher cuss and induce urges to wrangle me back in, while shaking a finger in my face, “You don’t do that in front of people.”  I gave up that fight and I just write things out and then post them.  I always, always, do the best I can to edit my work first.
  • Learn to love to edit.  I really had to learn how to get over reading my work. Oh it is horrible.  I know why actors say they don’t watch their own films.  Blech!  But, if I am not writing, I’m editing. This keeps my writing moving forward.  If you have serious writers block… go edit your earlier work.  You will still get something done.
  • Go with your urge.  Right now, I should be formatting my next book, Goodness, for a Black Friday release.  I’ve fought this urge to post something on my blog since I got up.  I saw today’s prompt and I couldn’t help myself.  I went with my urge.  Seriously, I don’t know how I’m going to push formatting for later in the day, because I know I’m going to have some wine tonight.  I’m not going to format while shknockered.  Even if it is just a ‘lil bit.  But I know I will get it done.
  • Always adjust your goals.  I tell myself, “This is going to happen.”  Goodness will be published.  It seems as though I never make a self-imposed deadline.  Except! If I want to get something done, it gets done.  The deadline almost becomes obsolete.   Example.  If you write about holiday cooking and make a deadline for Thanksgiving, you’ve got to be wrapping things up about now, if you don’t make it shoot for Christmas.   If you miss Christmas are you late or are you a year ahead?
  • Don’t punish yourself.  Okay, if you earn a paycheck for that holiday cooking article, you’ve got some trouble to deal with.  But, I think you know what I am talking about; you have a finished article on holiday cooking and it is past the holidays.  If you aren’t naughty, naughty, naughty, you might be thinking you are ready for next year.  Maybe you’ll do the research to shop for a magazine to print your article. Maybe you will get a collection going and look towards publishing a book.

Keep moving forward.  You are doing this because you want to do this.  If you aren’t doing this, you’d let other things get in the way of it.  Sitting there and forcing something to come, just results in sitting there.  If I have the urge to get up from my desk, I get up.  I think of my best stuff, when I get up to put dishes away.   Of course this leads to running back to my computer, but this is my writing time.  Getting a few dishes put way is a bonus.  Maybe it will create more free time to write later… during my cleaning time.

Day 11 NaBloPoMo; You Can Care Without Worry

quote: Corrie Ten Boom

quote: Corrie Ten Boom

If I could eliminate one thing to worry about? It would be worry.

One of the most powerful epiphanies I ever had, one where I literally felt my universe shift, was that I can care without worry.

They are two different things!   Worry is worry and caring is caring.  I don’t have to demonstrate worry to show that I care.

I actually had to take a couple of days to work on this one.   I had to catch myself when I felt I had to demonstrate worry, and think quickly, okay I’m not worried, don’t be worried: just care …  how do I care? … why do I care?  … what do I do because I care?   And the biggie, if worried is not involved; what is caring?

Most of the time the “shift” was about taking my focus of me and what I do and say and place my focus on listening to the other person or pay attention to the situation.

  • Simply put, I shut up and nod when other people talk.
  • I quit trying to prove that I understand by telling my story when they are telling theirs.
  • I quit trying to cover all bases and answer questions before they were asked.
  • I quit trying to prove my intelligence, in the face of whatever is a concern to them.

The result is they feel cared for.

If it is a situation, plans formulate to take action, but only after a complete understanding of the situation. No wasted time.  No wasted effort.  No explanations of, “I thought.”  No embarrassment.

I do dishes and clean the floors because I care about my house, not because I am worried about what other people think.  Or worry that things are getting out of control.  The surprising thing, is this comes in really handy when I don’t have time to get it done.  Since I know I care, I just find a time to do it when I can and get it done then.  No regrets about what I did instead.

Furthermore, now when I care, I actually care.  I am more formidable because I have passion instead of worry.  I can act swiftly because I don’t have the weight of the world on me.  I don’t worry about being wrong.  If I truly care, I am staying on topic and moving forward.


In the spirit of Veteran’s Day, if we could eliminate one worry?  That would be to resolve the conflicts and bring our troops home.

Day 10 NaBloPoMo; Reading Monday

Today is Reading Monday, where I read and comment on what other people posted for the week.  Plus, I start formatting my next book, Goodness.  Additionally, I have to clean the oven before Thanksgiving.  I cooked a pizza last night and smoked billowed out as the collections of drippings from former use burn to crispy flakes.  The pizza looked appealing, it tasted good, barring that every time I took a bite I could smell smoke as if it were an ingredient added to the pizza.   Maybe if it was salmon, carp, or a roast.

Yay! We are starting a new week.  This Friday is the 15th, we will all be right in the middle of the NaMos!

Happy NaMo Everyone!

Day 9 NaBloPoMo; My Work in Non-motivation pt. 2 of 3

I spent some time working on “non” motivational skills before I quit smoking.  I was looking for something to sustain myself through the withdrawal.  In the past when my motivation had waned, I’d quit quitting, and would decide to try again later when my willpower was stronger.

With the False Quit Dates, I was getting tired of relying on motivation.  It was a frustrating lesson because motivation is so fleeting.  Motivation has peaks and valleys of energy flow.  If my to-do list consists of exercising and cleaning house, motivation may have me expending my energy to one so I can avoid the other.  Sometimes, when I was sitting around waiting for motivation to manifest itself, I could have done the chore.  There were times where motivation had never come.

Instead of waiting for motivation, I was training myself to just get it done.  I’ve never been in a job that I particularly loved nor was a natural extension of myself.  I’ve never been motivated to go to work.  Except I do, everyday, rarely call in sick, and do my best while I am there. I also may whine all the way through it, but! I show up, do my job, get paid and pay my bills.

Why am I doing this?  Honor.  Integrity.  Money.  Fear of being lazy.  I want to succeed. (Although success has more to do with my back up plans.) But seriously? Because when hired, I said I would show up and do the work.  I made an agreement with my employer, I’m told what time to show up and I show up.

Overlay this onto cleaning house. A lot of my lessons in motivation centered around household chores and adjusting my attitude towards them. First I had to ignore the urge to look inward for that quickening that brings energy and excitement to mundane things.  You know, when all done to go, “Wow, that was fast!  And so easy!” — Don’t search for it.  Don’t wait for it. — I say I’m going to do the chore.  I allow enough time for the chore. (It’s not race nor competition to best any times set in the past.)  I do the chore, because I said I would and it is time.

I did keep it kind of loose, like…  I need 20 minutes before work, after work, before bed, but, I had to get it done that day.

Again, overlay this lesson on to quitting smoking.  I continued with the False Quit Dates because I knew being ready wasn’t just going to come from nowhere.  I learned how to be ready and be ready without a doubt in my mind.  I was making some big moves, such as putting money down on a cabin.  I was going to leave my family for two weeks.  I was to be by myself with no distractions and no excuses.  Most of all, no cigarettes. I was also giving myself every opportunity to quit without those big moves.  If I didn’t quit at the end of this, I was never going to quit.   But I did.  Because I was ready and because I didn’t rely on motivation or will power.  I quit because I wanted to quit and I said I was going to quit and I allowed enough time to finish the quit.  (the withdrawal)

These days, I overlay this lesson on exercising.  Even though I have all this knowledge, it is hard keep it routine.  I haven’t done any real exercising for over two weeks now, but in the meantime, I got a lot of other stuff done.  Does that make it right?  Does that make it okay?  I can say that it’s different from exercising a few years ago, I’m not so negative about downtime.  I know I will pick it up again.  I also believe the downtime is shorter in duration.  I don’t wait for motivation to schedule a time to exercise.

Working on my “non-motivational skills” has been one of my best time savers.

My Work in Non-motivation pt. 1 of 3

Hating It Is Not Relevant

Nebraska storm by Anne Goforth

Nebraska storm by Anne Goforth

Today, I’m cleaning cupboards, doing laundry, dishes and cooking, all while still feeling the effects of the time change.  I’ve spent most of the day alone and winter is threatening to appear on Monday.  Now I am feeling the pressure of completing my November goals of NaBloPoMo and doing something on my timeline before midnight. All in all I have to say I’m having a pretty good day. It has been four years since I’ve done the work to quit smoking and back then I wouldn’t have said that about today.  I’d be in a panic, spurring to get everything done and would stay up until 4:00 am if I had to.  If I went to bed without finishing my projects, something might have come up and I might start another project before finishing the first one.

Today I’m more trusting that I am going to finish a project after getting some sleep, but the biggest impact I had for a day like today is, hating it is not relevant, because you have to do it anyway.

How often do you hear someone say, I can’t stand doing dishes.  I hate dusting.  I will not do windows. All I get in the mail are bills, I hate bills.  How often in a day do you say and hear someone say I hate ___.  Just take one day to listen for it.  You don’t have to do anything about it, just listen for it.  Then take into consideration does it make a difference if you hate it or not?  You still don’t need to do anything about it, just be aware.

For instance, I hated doing dishes, so I never wanted to do them.  I’d put them off, but then there would be more.  Soon, I would run out of dishes and if I wanted a dish I would need to wash it.  There were always other things that I needed to do, but I always had to stop and wash dishes.  The solution? Quit hating it.  Most people think that they can’t help if they hate it or not.  I found that wasn’t true. The trick was that I wasn’t forcing myself to like it. It is not a one or the other deal.  All I had to do was to quit hating it. If dishes need to be done everyday, why put in the time to hate it everyday.

There was a transition period where I had to give myself constant reminders to not hate it, but eventually the not-hating won out.  I found rhythm and routine and now I can get it done without getting all bent out of shape.  It’s been nice.

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